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Tara

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beyond_buffy [12 Mar 2005|05:36pm]
[ mood | determined ]

I had walked by her. We ran into each other in the hall, literally, and I just walked by. It hurt so much to see her the way she was, and it hurt even more not to reach out and just hold her. But I couldn't. I had to keep my head up. I mumbled a "Hello," but I wasn't going to stop and chat. I wish I could've let her know that it was going to be okay. I couldn't, not yet.

I had avoided the Magicks Department all day and managed to throw myself into research. Boring, but it helped me learn a lot. I knew how I needed to help Willow, but I couldn't do it alone. There were a few resources that I could take advantage of here, and I needed to as soon as possible.

I didn't want to rush or push Willow into recovery, but letting her know that it was available would certainly help. Although, I can't help but feel that I'm missing the big picture. Maybe I'm focusing too much on Willow's problem rather than what she had done. I knew that she had raised people from the dead, but that was it. I didn't know how many, and I'm not sure she did either. I researched the spell she had done and it appeared that she could have awoken many more corpses than she knew. A spell like this definitely had put her into withdrawal without a doubt. Doing a spell this big and expecting to recover with no side effects? It was impossible.

I couldn't undo what Willow did, I didn't have that kind of power. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to bring myself to... well, kill people. That's what it was basically. Instead of undoing Willow's spell, maybe I could get her help. So she wouldn't do it again. She would learn to control her magicks.

I knew that Giles could help me and he'd be the first person that I'd seek out. Hopefully he could help me find others in Wolfram & Hart that were trained in the magicks.

I knocked on the door to Giles' office,
"Giles?" I said, still knocking on the door, "Are you there?"

(open to rather_british

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"something bad..." beyond_buffy [28 Feb 2005|04:45pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I left. I simply up and left her. I still didn't know if it was right... it worked the first time, for a while anyway. She was out of control, bringing all of those people back. I didn't know how I'd face her at work. Our jobs fit together, we're the co-founders of the Magicks Department. What a great job for Willow, a recovering magicks addict. I didn't know what we were thinking when we signed up for this. I should've known. I wish their was some way to get her under control. I still loved her, God I loved her so much- it hurt so badly to see her like this. I wanted to help her, but I just couldn't. She was caught under the spell (no pun intended) of magicks, and I wasn't strong enough to pull her out of it. I could try, but it wouldn't be enough. I had to take a break for a while. I needed to find a place to stay for the time being. Maybe I could stay with Anya and Spike... on second thought, maybe not.

It took all of my energy and willpower, but somehow I forced myself to go to work. I was going to try and avoid the department as much as possible, assuming Willow even came into work today. I had hoped that she didn't. It would be too much to see her everyday, doing the thing that made me leave her.

I had a plan though. I couldn't force her to want to get better or control her power, but maybe, maybe if I let her know- showed her the support she had, the way she should handle her magicks without losing control, maybe- just maybe she would come around and learn to quit abusing the magicks. I knew that Giles had connections with covens in England, and he wasn't too bad with magicks himself. Also, that woman that Willow raised, maybe we could turn this situation around to make it work. Jenny Calender. She was a powerful "techno-pagan", maybe she too could help Willow. Plus with the support of Buffy and Xander? Of course Buffy was going to be positively fuming when she discovered what Willow had done. She would feel the pain of all of the people that Willow had raised from the dead. I hoped I could help people channel their anger into helping Willow. I learned this from last time. I was so upset and angry I couldn't even see straight, but this time I could help her.

((open to anyone))

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beyond_buffy [01 Feb 2005|07:48pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

I sighed as I gazed over at the bed. Willow had been sleeping for over 15 hours. I had no idea what happened last night, she crept in late and has been practically passed out on the bed ever since. I even got up early to make pancakes, which were now cold.

"Willow," I whispered in her ear, "Baby, wake up. It's almost 3'oclock"

I've been worried about her, she's been staying up late, looking drained. She's just been working extra hard in the new department I suppose, but I think it's stressing her out.

I sat on the edge of the bed with her, rubbing her leg nervously. I hope she would get up soon. It was Sunday, and tommorow we had work.

"Willow, please," I murmured, "We can go out or something. Do you want me to get you anything?"

She just pulled the comforter over her head. I groaned a little and got up and headed back to the smallish kitchen, dumping the ice-cold pancakes into the trash. I had eaten hours ago. I couldn't keep still, I kept pacing around and cleaning things nervously-- I was just so worried about Willow. Maybe she just had a cold, I should really calm down. But I couldn't. I couldn't stand not knowing what was up with her.

I slumped onto the big comfy couch and picked up a magazine, flicking through the pages, but not really reading anything at all. I would just have to wait.

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beyond_buffy The Begining [11 Jan 2005|05:10am]
[ mood | worried ]

Literally moments after Sunnydale had exploded, we got a phone call from Angel, Buffy's old lover. We were offered a place at the new offices in LA, some law firm called Wolfram & Hart. I was excited because Willow and I got to run the new Magicks Department... but part of me was torn, wondering if Willow could control herself. I hoped she could. She looked so focused and determined while we were driving to L.A. I wondered what she was thinking.

We were lucky that Giles flew in with information from the seers in England about what was going to happen in Sunnydale. I can't help but wonder if it was better that Sunnydale exploded rather than having to go through a big apocolyptic mess. I hadn't really been through any, well I suppose the one with Glory counts, but I wasn't entirely myself. I'm sure it was a lot less stressful on Buffy this way. Then again, there was supposed to be another upcoming apocolypse thing, one so big that Giles decided to get all the potential slayers transported to L.A. There's going to be a great training facility for them and Buffy and Faith will be amazing leaders, hopefully Faith has... calmed down since the last time I met her.

I folded my hands in my lap and gazed out the window, it was dark, but I could still see the headlights of Giles' and Xander's car behind us. I wondered how long until we reached Wolfram & Hart. Angel told Buffy that he had apartments set up for all of us, which was nice of him to do. Apparently he's some 'big-wig' now, which is disconcerting to think of, considering that last time I saw him he was sort of a lonely broody soul vampire type. He might very well be that way.

I leaned back against my seat and watched Willow as she concentrated on driving. She tucked a piece of her short red hair behind her ear and bit her lower lip a little, like she did when she was anxious about something.

"Willow," I said softly, "What do you think is going to happen? A-are you going to be able to control yourself, you know, with the magicks?"

((Open for Willow))

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[13 Dec 2003|05:11pm]
I walked to my locker, and slammed it shut, to find myself face to face with my locker-partner, Anya.

"Oh, hey Anya," I said in a friendly tone, "How are you?"

"Wish for something." She said, menacingly, "ANYTHING."

"Umm... I-I-I w-wish that my homework for Biology would be finished?" I said, shakily to her.

"Done." She said firmly and then stomped her foot "Dammit."

"R-right then Anya, I'm going to go..." I backed away slowly from her very cautiously, she seemed a bit un-even tempered. I walked away as fast as I could without scaring her, while she groaned and reached inside our locker.

I walked into my Math class, and sat next to a very blonde, and very brightly dressed girl.
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chimaeras_lair [15 Oct 2003|07:30pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I had just walked back from my last class of the day. I was so tired, and lonely. It seems like Willow's never around these days. I mean, I hope she's okay and everything. I hope that the scoobies and magicks haven't taken her over. She's such a great person, and it feels like sometimes I don't see her enough, and that makes me really lonely.

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